The Space Between What We Say and What We Mean.

Communication. Something essential, something we do every day with many ways, yet also something that usually needs to work on more.

I have seen this gap of communication either in professional, or personal relationships. There is always a gap that we need to fill. Depending on the effort we put in, we eventually figure it out. In most cases, I have seen that the main issue is that what is said does not always reach the other person's head, due to bias restrictions. This is created by many parameters. Our mind keeps track of many details that we are not aware of, it makes conclusions on its own, and all this is unconscious. I learn that from a book Subliminal: How Your Unconscious Mind Rules Your Behavior by Leonard Mlodinow

The one that helped me understand this, was a paradigm in the last chapter, which said that it is like having a strong lawyer on your head and a weak scientist. The lawyer once has a case, he tries to find EVERY clue that can help its case, ignoring the rest parameters. The scientist then tries to balance this, by showing other info as well. I have seen myself since then, how often this might happen. How often you have to doubt actually, that lawyer, (which is you and your ego). Once you zoom out of this, you can improve your communication. Give space to the scientist. Give space to other perspectives, and try to understand the deeper reasons behind an argument. People could unintentionally hide the real problems (for many reasons), you have to dig in, having empathy. Empathy helps us build that communication gap.

Approaching people with the belief that their intentions are mostly good changes the way we communicate. It makes us more curious and less defensive. Maybe the goal of communication is not to prove who is right. Maybe it is to understand each other well enough that we no longer need to fight.